After her husbands second marriage she said, I moved to a separate household, to me, it works best because I dont have to see her (co-wife) come into the house to visit my husband. Life as a co-wife wasn't easy for Cecilia; she started being mistreated by the second wife. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. Polygamy has become very common in numerous cultures particularly in Islamic society. She was very much disturbed and afraid of losing her husband. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. 17-Dec-2021, DOI: 10.54615/2231-7805.47221. Can I marry second wife? I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. She told her a tragic story. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . Eleven women participated in the study. "If it's mostly. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. Every possibility seems available to them. All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. Their average marriage duration was 11 years and living in the same house or compound. 2.Explain the nature of your relationships with co-wives. The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. Bigamy occurs when one man illegally marries more than one woman. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. Polygamy as sort of status symbol. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. It means if your husband is a citizen or green card holder, he. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. As when co-wives share their domestic chores, and other responsibilities of the family they become less possessive with time about their partners. And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. Love and (Polygamous) Marriage? He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. She was in severe depression after this trauma. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. She said," My husband helped me to survive emotionally and financially". They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. 'I don't care about anything. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome. Here are some signs that you have allowed the second wife syndrome to fester in your home: Being a second wife to a married man can be overwhelming, and if you are not cautious enough, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of insecurities. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 In literature, the problems faced by polygamous women were highlighted. The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. But in Pakistan and Iran, only consent is required from the first wife and need to show it in the court as proof for the second wife. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. Carol Lynn Pearson's new book argues that many, if not most, Mormon women feel pain and fear at the prospect of sharing their husbands with at . https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/family-law-blog/2012/october/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/, https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-rules-successful-second-marriage/, Living with a Spouse Who Has Aspergers Syndrome: the Cloud of Secrecy. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Thats irresponsible. Evelyn, who has a four-year-old son, now works as a waitress to help her mother with the legal fees for her divorce. Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. No one does; no little girl longs to grow up and walk down the aisle to the strains of "Here Comes the Second Bride, All Dressed in an Ivory Suit." Consent i s the keyword. Note that I said "freely" - emotionally guilt tripping women, threatening them with divorce or withholding custody of their children from them, and other such nefarious tactics to pressure women into 'accepting polygamy' are not equivalent to consent without coercion. There was a higher prevalence of somatization, depression, anxiety, hostility, paranoid ideation, psychoticism, general symptom severity, positive symptoms total, and psychiatric disorder, as well as lower ratings of life and marital satisfaction, family functioning, and self-esteem among polygamous wives [ 12 ]. 2020; 24: 339351. Marriage Counseling vs. The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. Your spouse has lost their first wife either to divorce or death, both of which bring immense, albeit very different, pain and coping mechanisms. He might marry a second wife before his divorce is complete, for example. It can be challenging when you expect those normally happen times of the year to be a certain way, but then they arent so much. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. When people. Current Psychology. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. 5. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. I was so impressed., READ MORE:Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya. Should second wives post billboards proclaiming that we are not necessarily women who flounce through life wearing ankle bracelets, feather boas, and alligator shoes? She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. It doesnt mean that it wont last. Her ex-husband died. Table 2: Frequency of co-wives for jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness and sharing household chores as consequences of polygamous marriages (N=11).
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